Today, I found out that someone is saying terrible things about me. Terrible and out-of -this-world-ridiculous-made-up-hate about me.
First thing I thought:
If I were bored or crazy enough to start a rumor, or make up ugly stuff about someone just for the heck of it, I would probably choose something closer to the truth. Honestly.
Second thing I thought:
I have worked so hard to live in peace and loving happiness in my home and with those I love. Part of what has made this possible (with it´s obvious ups and downs) is the fact that I have surrounded myself with people who love me for who I am, who search for inner peace and strive to find happiness, as I do, with hard work and a smile. I isolated myself from people or situations that harmed me, or my loved ones. So, I ask myself, why does this happen?
I can only think it´s because, working towards that beautiful silence, is precisely that: work. Meticulous, everyday work. And work wouldn´t be work if it were easy-peesy-japaneesee, if there weren´t obstacles to overcome.
So I guess the obstacle of the day will be the fact that tomorrow I will walk into a room full of people, this very imaginative person amoung them, with my head held high, and smile.
Did I think of not walking into this particular room filled with these particular people? YES. But I guess that, because this room also holds something dear to me, something I have dreamed of doing for years now, I would only be betraying myself. Backing up into a corner when I have done nothing wrong. Nothing AT ALL. Why should I miss out on something I want to do so badly because someone´s got a chip on their shoulder the size of a small building? Well, I could probably find a bigillion reasons not to go (all backed up by the fact that I have grown to detest destructive confrontation, and I have always had a hard time walking into places filled with strangers = fear). So, yep, flashback: first day of school, bullies around every corner, stomach ache, thinking, "maybe mustard under the armpits WILL give me a fever this time around. Maybe I just need to spread a little more generously." Must say, mamita´s feeling like a kid again, in the worst way, and hating it.
I guess I can´t. I just can´t not go. I can´t, precisely because I´ve worked so hard to get to where I am. I have conquered fears and overcome insecurities I never would of thought possible. And, I guess, that if I let myself be bullied around at 35, not much of these years of hard work will have been worth it. I have to practice what I preach. And I can´t look at my sweet children in the eyes and tell them to go stand up for themselves (with mommy close behind) if I´m not brave enough to do it myself.
So here goes nothing. And everything.
First thing I thought:
If I were bored or crazy enough to start a rumor, or make up ugly stuff about someone just for the heck of it, I would probably choose something closer to the truth. Honestly.
Second thing I thought:
I have worked so hard to live in peace and loving happiness in my home and with those I love. Part of what has made this possible (with it´s obvious ups and downs) is the fact that I have surrounded myself with people who love me for who I am, who search for inner peace and strive to find happiness, as I do, with hard work and a smile. I isolated myself from people or situations that harmed me, or my loved ones. So, I ask myself, why does this happen?
I can only think it´s because, working towards that beautiful silence, is precisely that: work. Meticulous, everyday work. And work wouldn´t be work if it were easy-peesy-japaneesee, if there weren´t obstacles to overcome.
So I guess the obstacle of the day will be the fact that tomorrow I will walk into a room full of people, this very imaginative person amoung them, with my head held high, and smile.
Did I think of not walking into this particular room filled with these particular people? YES. But I guess that, because this room also holds something dear to me, something I have dreamed of doing for years now, I would only be betraying myself. Backing up into a corner when I have done nothing wrong. Nothing AT ALL. Why should I miss out on something I want to do so badly because someone´s got a chip on their shoulder the size of a small building? Well, I could probably find a bigillion reasons not to go (all backed up by the fact that I have grown to detest destructive confrontation, and I have always had a hard time walking into places filled with strangers = fear). So, yep, flashback: first day of school, bullies around every corner, stomach ache, thinking, "maybe mustard under the armpits WILL give me a fever this time around. Maybe I just need to spread a little more generously." Must say, mamita´s feeling like a kid again, in the worst way, and hating it.
I guess I can´t. I just can´t not go. I can´t, precisely because I´ve worked so hard to get to where I am. I have conquered fears and overcome insecurities I never would of thought possible. And, I guess, that if I let myself be bullied around at 35, not much of these years of hard work will have been worth it. I have to practice what I preach. And I can´t look at my sweet children in the eyes and tell them to go stand up for themselves (with mommy close behind) if I´m not brave enough to do it myself.
So here goes nothing. And everything.
I think you are fantastically creative, with a loving heart full of family and friends. Hold you head high, and know that you are wonderful.
ReplyDeletese que es facil del otro lado de la pantalla decir esto pero de verdad no dejes que te afecte, tu tristeza o miedo es la alegria malsana de aquel que no es feliz consigo mismo y por eso tiene que hablar mal de alguien que si lo es. Si te has rodeado de personas hermosas y transparentes es porque tu tambien lo eres, sigue irradiando tu luz, mientras los tuyos y tu sepan lo que eres y vales, es lo importante.
ReplyDeleteLike I read once before: don't let that individual live rent free in your head. You said it best head up high, chin up. It's her loss not yours.
ReplyDeleteMy sweet friend! I have no idea how anyone could say anything bad about you...you have done nothing but encourage, uplift me and make me smile...you have been a true friend! You are talented and a strong woman...you are beautiful! I am so glad to hear you push forward through the hurt, through the fear... you will learn and grow from this...you will teach from this...your littles will too be strong and fight fears... I am rooting for you!!! Love casts away fear...love what you do with every fiber ( which I know you do) and the fear will slowly disappear! My thoughts are with you friend!
ReplyDeleteAnimo Claudia!!! Don't let this discourage you from doing what you do best. And that's putting a smile on our faces everyday with your wonderful stories, tutorials, and awesome photos.
ReplyDeleteBiggest Hug Ever!!!
Yoly
We'll I met you because of it now... good in all things!! Chin up!! Thanks for reading and commenting to me. Nice to meet you friend. You lose one, you gain one! :))
ReplyDeleteAyer leí esta entrada y pense que afortunadamente la gente estupida nunca va a poder frenar tus palabras, pensamientos y actos y me da mucho gusto que salgas adelante siempre, amiga, eres muy valiosa, te mando un gran abrazo !!!
ReplyDeleteHold your chin up high Claudia. I have often found that when people bad talk others is usually because of jealousy.
ReplyDeleteYou keep on keeping on like you have been.
Cheers!